A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the
toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in
Canada that was absolutely ’impeccable’ (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The
Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted
the challenge.The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican
woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called ’impeccable’ tree almost without
breaking a sweat.Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it
that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican
woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the
tree in their own country?After much woodpecker pondering, they both
came to the same conclusion: Apparently, Tiger
Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you’re away
from home.

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This  is something to think about when negative people are doing their
best to  rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone
who  knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A  woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip  to
Rome with her husband.  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who
responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?  You’re crazy to go to Rome.
It’s crowed and dirty.  So, how are you getting there?
"We’re  taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?"  exclaimed the hairdresser. " That’s a terrible airline.
Their planes are  old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re
always late. So, where are you staying in  Rome ?"
"We’ll  be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River
called "Teste."
"Don’t  go any further. I know that place.  Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it’s really a  dump."
"We’re  going to go to see the  Vatican  and maybe get to  see the Pope."
"That’s  rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to  see him.  He’ll look the size of an ant.   Boy, good luck on
this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need  it."
A  month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked  her about her trip to  Rome  .
"It  was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of  Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped
us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And  the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodelling
job,  and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no
extra charge!"
"Well,"  muttered the hairdresser, "that’s all well and good, but I know
you  didn’t get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to
meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his
private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure  enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook  my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to  me."
"Oh,  really!  What’d he say ?"
He  said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

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